Saturday, December 6, 2008

How I went through 3 glasses in 3 months of college

Waking up from a drunken stupor this morning, I went to the bathroom to throw up, then found my glasses in my pocket. They were broken. Then I realized this is the third time in three months that I'd need to get new glasses. I would take a pic of it and put it in this post, except my phone is nowhere to be found.

Here is how I went through 3 glasses in 3 months:

1. White Water Rafting -

First week of classes, I went white water rafting with a bunch of people. We ended up drinking straight Tequila out of a nalgene bottle, to "keep warm." And that it did. The boat I was in also happened to collide head-on into a huge rock, while we were going through rapids. Needless to say, the boat flipped, we all fell out, and literally had to be rescued by people who happened to be on land - they threw us rope and tubes to help us out. Many scrapes and much breath-holding later, I emerged out of the water, and my first thought was 'nice, I still got my glasses on.' Floating with my life jacket on after having capsized and nearly drowned, I was content. Then in the rush of it all, I shook my head to try to dry my hair and to get it out of my eyes.

Then went my glasses, off of my face, into the water. It sank. I could do nothing but look at the water, feeling like a complete idiot.

Then I drank more and happily went on to jump off cliffs and swim in the river.



2. Passing out -

I got drunk early on a Saturday and passed out hella early. Probably around 10PM. I kind of remember the night, which is why I'm not categorizing this as "blacking out." I remember just wanting to lie down because I was getting the spins, then of course found myself waking up the next day, confused and annoyed that I had just lost a night of partying. Then I looked for my glasses everywhere in the room; they were nowhere to be found. It should've been an easy find, except that to this day I still don't know where my glasses went.



3. Blacking out -

Last night, I drank a lot. I remember just taking straight shots of everything on the counter, because I wanted to get extra fucked up - we've all had those nights. Gin, vodka, Jose Cuervo (many fond memories with that drink; "we go eight. teen. dummy."), etc. I never use chasers anyway, so I was just downing these.

The rest of the night is a mystery. My last recollection of the night happened probably around 9pm.

I woke up this morning at 2am, drunk, in a computer cluster, ways away from the place I was drinking at. How I got there, I have no fucking clue. I literally 'jumped' into consciousness. I was sitting in front of a computer, the clock pointed to 2, and there were three other people in the room working.

First thought: What the FUCK am I doing here!?
Second thought: I need to puke.

So I stumble out the room, see more people outside the room, wonder how many of these people saw me come to the computer cluster completely wasted, then hurry on to the bathroom.

There, I see puke on parts of the toilet seat, and more next to the drain in the middle of the bathroom. I'm sure it must've been me, because honestly, who else would be in that building drunk and puking. Amused, I think 'wow, I guess this isn't my first time here tonight' then for some odd reason, I leave the men's bathroom, and proceed to barf my guts out in the women's bathroom. Maybe I felt bad for the men's bathroom because it had already been puked on, and decided the women's bathroom needed to get in on the action.

And it's then that I realize I have no glasses on, and I can't see SHIT. I check my pockets and find my glasses broken in my right pocket. How they got broken, I have no idea. I can't even come up with anything that could justify how something on my face could've gotten broken in half, and how I must've calmly put it in my pocket to "fix later." If my face was bruised and/or bleeding, it would've made more sense.

I look for my phone to call someone to ask what has happened to me, but I realize that my phone is missing.

Then in the freeeezing Pittsburgh weather, I walk back to my dorm room with no sweater on and pass out again in my bed.



And those are the ways that I have gone through 3 glasses in 3 months of college.

13 comments:

  1. hahahahaha the third story is nuts

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